activa-t Chapter 22 Human-shaped Shit Bomb
Chapter 22 Human-shaped Shit Bomb
The old emperor put down the memorial in his hand and looked at Shen Zhiyi.
"Minister Shen."
Shen Zhiyi immediately cowered when she was called out.
[What did I do? I didn't do anything! I didn't offend the old emperor, did I? Those two kneeling down couldn't have been because I angered him, could it?]
What are your orders, Your Majesty?
"I have no instructions, I just wanted to ask if Minister Shen would like an imperial edict that would allow him to meet me without having to kneel."
Shen Zhiyi went limp and plopped down on his lap.
【Ugh, is this old emperor out of his mind? Is it because I knelt too slowly and upset him?】
[Serving a ruler is indeed like serving a tiger; the old emperor's heart is unfathomable. How should I reply? How should I reply?]
Shen Zhiyi was like an ant on a hot pan at this moment, and finally simply gave up.
"Your Majesty, there's no need for that. I'm quite comfortable kneeling here."
Old Emperor: “…”
He shook his head helplessly and raised his hand: "Get up, all of you. Don't kneel down all the time, making me look like some kind of tiger in the mountains."
Shen Zhiyi breathed a long sigh of relief.
[That's great, another day has passed.]
Feeling deeply traumatized, Shen Zhiyi wanted to go home and lie down, but soon she didn't want to lie down anymore. She wanted the old emperor to go to the East Palace as soon as possible.
The old emperor pretended not to hear it. Why would the crown prince go there if he wasn't in the Eastern Palace?
Shen Zhiyi lowered his head, a lewd smile playing on his lips.
The Crown Princess is searching the entire Eastern Palace for her son; the whole palace is in chaos.
[The Crown Prince's concubines went to great lengths, even climbing onto roofs and tearing off tiles, to search for him.]
The old emperor glanced at the sky outside the window. Autumn had arrived, the nights were a bit chilly, and it got dark early. Thousands of lanterns had already been lit in the palace.
He whispered in Chen Decai's ear, instructing him to send someone to find the imperial grandson.
[Hahahaha, they must have racked their brains but never guessed that the imperial grandson is currently in the outhouse.]
Thatch? Outhouse?
The old emperor was puzzled.
The old emperor was puzzled.
As a grandson of the emperor, he was always brought a chamber pot by eunuchs when he needed to use the toilet; how could he possibly go to the outhouse?
[This grandson of the emperor is truly interesting. Having heard stories from the crown prince about his childhood in the countryside since he was a child, the grandson, who had never experienced it himself, found it fascinating and wanted to try using the outhouse. So he ran to the outhouse used by the servants.]
"Brother, you're just making trouble for no reason. I used to use that outhouse in the countryside when I was a kid. There was a pigsty behind it. She wasn't just worried about the pigs biting her, she was also worried about the two boards on her feet breaking and causing her to fall through."
Hey, luckily I got through it all safely, but it seems you, grandson of the emperor, are having a bit of bad luck.
I really want to see it in person; it just doesn't feel right through a screen.
The old emperor suppressed the wildly upturned corners of his mouth and feigned composure, saying, "Chen Decai, prepare the carriage to go to the East Palace and see how the imperial grandson is doing in his studies."
Chen Decai also wanted to go and see, and happily shouted "Yes!"
[Oh dear, the old emperor is thinking so much about his grandson right now.]
A large group of people arrived at the East Palace, and just as Shen Zhiyi had predicted, the East Palace was in complete chaos.
Upon seeing the old emperor arrive, they quickly and disciplinedly stood at attention and bowed.
"No thanks, no thanks, what's going on?"
The Crown Princess came over, sobbing.
"Father, Xian'er is missing. We've searched the entire Eastern Palace but haven't found her."
[In the outhouse, in the outhouse!]
"They probably went to the restroom."
"This is impossible."
The one who answered was not the Crown Princess, but the Crown Prince's concubine, who appeared out of nowhere and practically clung to the old emperor as soon as she spoke.
The Dragon Scale Guards around them were so frightened that they were about to draw their swords.
[Old Emperor, this is your long-cherished pen pal, your long-cherished pen pal! Why are you hiding from her?]
The old emperor rolled his eyes at Shen Zhiyi, clearly annoyed.
Why not hide? She's his son's concubine.
Liangdi also sensed something was wrong, took a few steps back and gave a deep bow.
"Your Majesty."
Wow, Liangdi's eyes are sparkling! I know, I know so well! This is the excitement of meeting your idol in person!
"Your Majesty, the imperial grandson couldn't possibly be in the toilet. If he were, those eunuchs aren't just sitting around doing nothing, how could they not know?"
"Yes." The Crown Princess was anxious, but she still habitually began to analyze: "Xian'er is the emperor's grandson. Every time he goes to the toilet, he needs eight eunuchs to accompany him. The chamber pot must be sprinkled with spices from the Western Regions, and eight butterflies must be placed inside."
Shen Zhiyi initially thought it was normal, although it was a bit exaggerated. After all, he was the old emperor's son, so having eight eunuchs wasn't a big deal.
but……
Putting butterflies in the toilet?
[What? As soon as I went to the toilet, the butterflies in the bucket scattered, as if to suggest a poetic and distant dream?]
[That's really extreme! Why didn't you release some bees? They'd sting your butt all over!]
The Crown Princess wanted to continue chattering, but halfway through, she realized something was wrong.
"They said at the time that Xian'er didn't ask them to prepare a chamber pot, but it seems she did say she wanted to go to the toilet."
Yes, I needed to use the toilet, but I didn't have a chamber pot, so what did I use?
The Crown Princess grabbed the person next to her and said, "Quick, go check all the outhouses in the Eastern Palace. Are there any imperial grandsons there?"
[It was only now that I realized it; it was too late. The person had already fallen.]
The old emperor almost couldn't hold back his laughter, but he persevered and managed to suppress it.
There weren't many latrines in the Eastern Palace, so they quickly found the grandson of the emperor.
"Your Majesty, the Crown Princess, the Imperial Grandson, the Imperial Grandson..."
[Fell into the latrine!]
Shen Zhiyi looked like she was enjoying the show.
"You dog of a servant, tell me quickly, what happened to Xian'er?"
Before the eunuch could speak, a stirring and sorrowful voice resounded throughout the entire Eastern Palace.
For those who can hear Shen Zhiyi's inner thoughts, it's like a duet.
The grandson of the emperor cried out, "Mother!"
Shen Zhiyi: [Haha ...
The grandson of the emperor cried out, "Mother!"
Shen Zhiyi: [Haha ...
Crown Princess: "My son!"
[Crown Princess, why don't you wait until you see the Imperial Grandson before you speak? Hahahaha.]
Emperor's grandson: "Mother——"
Crown Princess: "I... Eh? Who are you?"
The Crown Princess, running towards the Imperial Grandson, actually managed to stop herself with her own tenacious willpower!
The rest of the people scattered.
It is really……
It stinks!
[What a human-shaped shit bomb!]
The grandson of the emperor felt extremely aggrieved at this moment.
"Mom, you don't know, I just, I just fell into the latrine, boohoo, I'll never be curious about the latrine again."
Looking at her son covered in excrement, the Crown Princess took a deep breath, then, as if remembering something, quickly spat it out.
"I do not know you."
The grandson, who had been sobbing, choked up and felt even more aggrieved. He opened his arms to the Crown Princess and said, "Mother, it's me, Xian'er."
No, I don't know you.
So the mother and son chased after her, but she couldn't escape.
The old emperor finally couldn't help but burst into laughter.
"Grandpa, my mother doesn't recognize me anymore."
The old emperor could no longer laugh.